What's in a name? (well, apparently a lot!)

When Emaias was born, I had just started reading the Bible again on a consistent basis (hello Motherhood!). During the first week after he was born names like Emmett, Everett, Ellis, and Elias kept coming to mind, but they just didn't fit him. I've been reading the pocket book of Luke. I kept feeling the Holy Spirit say, "Pick up your booklet and look through there.. his name is there.." I didn't want to, so I continued scouring baby name websites that first week, feeling the pressure of others to find him a name. And I continued to come up wanting.. When I finally yielded to the Holy Spirit and flipped open Luke, I came to the story Emmaus, and felt a sea of peace encompass my thoughts. The Road to Emmaus could be summed up as an unplanned event, an unexpected wait for a promised outcome and a journey to understanding that began in confusion - which has very much been our story with this little guy. We weren't necessarily planning on a third biological child so soon, but God's timing is what it is, and it's been good. (more on this about his middle name.)

However, I wasn't thrilled with the spelling of Emmaus.. Yes, Christians know how to say it, since most have heard the Bible story, but it's a German word and I didn't know if the general public say "e-may-us" or "e-mos", the latter of which I did not want. Even though I had a strong feeling it was his name, I couldn't commit. Azael also didn't like the way it flowed while fingerspelling it, so we set it aside.

Through out the pregnancy, I have been making strides towards wellness. In my post a while back, I mentioned that I have been sick for a while. With this pregnancy, I've had a Nurse-Midwife attending to me. Not that my previous midwives were unskilled, but the "nurse" in this one has been extra helpful in getting blood work done and suggesting supplements that have made huge improvements in my overall health. When you have been chronically ill for some time, it's almost hard to remember how bad you actually feel, as feeling bad is your 'new normal'. It has been amazing to see myself "coming back" to who I used to be - who I know myself to be - but who has been buried by illness. I have a new hope that I can and will recover from what mono did to my body 5 years ago. During the last few months our Adonai had been impressing on me the concept of "Amaia (Ah-my-uh)" - a Spanish name meaning "the end" or "resolution". For me it's meant a feeling of "arrival to a more restful destination" and "a journey towards holistic healing - physically, emotionally, mentally." However, the name Amaia is typically a girls name, since we had a boy I wasn't sure how it fit.

But if you read my post about Kaspien's name, you know we have a penchant for mashing two names together, so why stop now? ;)
Side Note: It's funny to me when people comment on the spelling of my kids names, as my name (simply Jenna) was misspelled often while growing up (Jena, Jennah, Gina, Jeana - all fine names, just not mine). My siblings -with quite common names - experienced the same (LindsEY or AY? JessIe? Lauren can be Lauryn or Loren..) I feel like the millennial age kids will have their names spelled wrong regardless, but I digress.
As I played with alternate spellings it came to me - why not change Emmaus to Emaias? ;) The "aia" from Amaia, the sound of e-may-us.. And there you have it. Emaias :)

As for his middle name we have to go back a ways in time. "Not what I wanted. But better." is a six word memoir a friend back in college penned for one of her classes and I always found it soul-challenging. It's been something that I couldn't say of God's plan for my life up to this point. I had things working out very differently when I was younger, and as His timeline didn't fit mine, I've unintentionally harbored resentment along the way. This third child of ours -while affectionately welcomed- was not expected. I have wanted to adopt for as long as I can remember, and we were moving in that direction for our 3rd child. This pregnancy has also not been fun, with morning sickness dragging on till the 7th month. And we sure weren't expecting this baby to come sooner than the end of December! But for as troublesome as the pregnancy has been, as I mentioned above about my mid-wife, it's brought healing and good things with it. I've had a clearer mind, and been a better mom. It's not the way I anticipated I would begin to feel better, but God's been good in the midst of it.

I kept coming up blank, however, while searching the baby name sites for a name that meant "not planned, but better than expected" (people who write the baby name websites want you to name your kid "gift from God", not "accident") ;)

In my searching I came across the name Toviah. It was under one of those "gift from God"/happy baby names list. It means "goodness of God" (literally: Tov = Good, Yah = Yahweh, TovYah.. Toviah) It was accompanied by Hebrew commentary explaining that God is classified in Hebrew as good - not better - because better implies comparison, and you can't compare God to anything else as He's in his own category. I can't say I have fully uncovered and released my resentment of God's plan being better than I my youthful desire, but if I change my friends memoir to "Not what I wanted. But good." I am finding rest in those words. I have more thoughts on this to share at a later day, but suffice it to say, even though this son of ours might not have been in our plans, Emaias has, is and will bring much GOOD in our lives.

Thus is the story behind Emaias Toviah BuPerry's name. May we remember His goodness in our journey to meeting our son.