Monday's postings are longer, more in-depth thoughts or stories that I feel the need to share. If you don't have time to read this now, you can look at the cliff notes versions that come out in my "[what]S'up, Wednesday?" posts. When you have the time, please feel encouraged by the stories God is telling, and musings that he brings to my mind.
HAPPY MONDAY :D
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Anticipation.. :)
It's a funny thing when you think you are 41.5 weeks pregnant, and find out that you are, in fact, only 38.5 weeks pregnant. If you have been following my pregnancy at all, you know that it started out with Mono (more specifically "mono-induced-hepatitis"). The reason we found out I was pregnant so early (we found out at 3 weeks gestation) was because I became jaundiced (read: turned yellow) and had to go to the ER/be admitted to the hospital overnight for monitoring as my liver was close to giving out. It took them a while to figure out what was causing my liver to not function appropriately as the strain of mono that I caught did not present itself in the usually diagnosed way. They drew 4 tubes of blood from me.. twice.. And on a whim tested for mono..
However, the pregnancy test (which I didn't ask to be done, it is standard protocol in the ER to give to any woman of child bearing age) was much simpler:
Urine analysis states - [pregnant: YES or no ]
Then the blood test gives a number. And that number corresponds with an estimated number of weeks that baby has been growing inside you.
Unbeknownst to me though, when counting the expected time of a pregnancy, the standard way is to begin from the first date of the woman's most recent menstrual cycle. I didn't think to question my midwife when she set my due date basing it off my cycle and not the blood test.. Nor did I realize that a variance of time was even an option..
Fast forward to last week, and I am nearing a week past my due date. At 41.5 weeks our midwife has all her "late babies" get an ultrasound to make sure things are still ok for baby to "keep cooking". My measurements were on the small side and caused her to do some double checking. After reviewing my chart and asking lots of questions, we determined that due to the mono (or possibly just me, but I have no prior pregnancy experiences to compare) it seems I ovulated later than "normal", meaning baby is a week to a week and a half younger than anticipated.. So, while we originally thought we'd meet baby the third week of July, we actually should not expect baby till the first week of August.. Information that, while not a bad thing, is.. weird? disappointing? .. to find out I'm only 38.5 weeks, when I've been thinking I'm at 42 weeks all along is course altering to say the least..
In light of this, there are two things on my mind as of late..
First, Azael and I have chosen to use a midwife and have a home birth for our baby's delivery. I won't go into all the reasons here, but the primary one is that I don't like being the patient in a hospital, and feel more comfortable at home with fewer people. Should complications arise, the midwife will transfer me to a local hospital, but we are planning to meet baby at home. Using a midwife also means we are going the "old school route" - no routine ultrasounds, no gender reveal party (cuz we don't know if baby is a boy or a girl), no "pre-named" baby announcements. These things seem so counter cultural now in a time when all of these and more can be found out about baby in utero - which has made the story of Mary and Jesus resonate a lil deeper with me. To know that she was having a boy (long before ultrasounds were routine) and he came "pre-named" must have been interesting for Mary.. as I find myself humored by all the predictions people feel the need to make when I tell them "I don't know what baby is, we will be surprised". Because of this, I see Mary's trust in the angel's message in a new light. For Mary, the confirmation she felt when she delivered a boy, I'm sure, was one of the things she "pondered in her heart.." I also realize the staggering number of options we have now in child birth compared to the limited-and often-complicated experiences of women over the course of history. I wonder if Mary feared losing her life in childbirth - something that is so rare here in America, we don't often think about it.
Second, in the Deaf youth group that Azael and I work with we have been memorizing 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. The famous "love chapter"..
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
And I'm finding that no matter how long I've been walking with Jesus, it's always those "back to the basics" that we have to master over and over in different settings..
Lets rewind back to November and Mono and "newly pregnant" for a bit. Many people told me "during the first trimester you'll be really tired".. but it was more than that. For the first 7 months of my pregnancy, I felt like I was in a mental fog. Thinking complete thoughts was difficult and engaging in everyday conversation took maximum effort. While I understand growing a lil human can make you tired, I had no energy at all. I jokingly told Azael, "if this is pregnancy, then we are adopting *all* the rest of our kids". Honestly though, trying to find patience for the baby to grow and my body to fight mono was very difficult. Every one's body fights mono at a different pace, and it seems mine took a full 7 months to get over it. While I would tell people I was looking forwards to meeting baby, I found myself very impatient and just wanting the baby "out" in hopes to speed along getting mono out of my system. I typically struggle in the process of growth, and this "opportunity" seemed like a double whammy. :(
I have also had to make adjustments to my diet. With my liver still being on the mend, it wasn't functioning as quickly as before. I began to have swelling 4 months into pregnancy. I had to cut out the majority of carbs in my diet, and if you know me, my dietary sustenance IS carbs.. Selfishly, I just want a pretzel with cheese sauce, or a deep dish pizza or waffles for breakfast.. But for the past 5 months, it's been chicken and beans and peanut butter (and a small variety of high protein, low carb things). I would not describe myself as adventurous when it comes to food.. nor am I a "foodie" as I prefer simple mixtures of food over complicated flavors and textures. "Dying to self" and eating this restricted diet has been quite the challenge for me. It has been especially trying to keep a positive attitude through it all and not be envious of other pregnant ladies who can eat whatever they want without compromising their health..
Around the last week of April, the fog lifted and I was able to experience "oh, THIS is pregnancy for me". Trying to just tolerate the first 7 months left me playing catch up to try to enjoy the 3 months I had left.. I've still been tired, but I've been able to hold a conversation with others and even have energy left over :) However, with my improved outlook comes the realization of how much dread I had during the first 7 months of growing this tiny human.. The challenge for "rejoicing always" evaded me often during that time.
The anticipation of meeting baby, coupled with the unknown expectations of exactly when baby will come, have left me trying to be as patient as possible while still preparing what I can for baby's impending arrival. It's a timid dance of "all ready but not yet". The latest news though, brings me to feeling like "I'm gonna be pregnant forever!" As I've neared the end of my pregnancy most women have sympathized that it's those last weeks that are the hardest. So, again, I find myself asking for patience and hope, not cynicism and dread.
A picture post of baby will be next.. But I make no promises/predictions on when that will be.. As long time supporter and family friend, Sarah Perkins commented other day, "no one told the baby their due date.."
Soli Deo Gloria
:D
