If you've read any of my posts, you know that I have an aversion to $$ ..
Not because I am greedy, and it's a temptation to me..
Not because I am jealous of others who have more than me..
Not even because I want to be filthy rich and not worry about it anymore..
It's because I have no #'s ¢! [translation: I have no numbers sense!]
(yes, I used pictures - cuz that is something my brain does get!)
Really, I just do not compute the value of money.. I know that 100 pennies = 1 dollar, but it's the practical retail value of things that makes no ¢ to me! IF someone says "I paid $80,000 for that car", I have no idea if it's a good deal or if they got robbed (and yes, people will clarify: it depends on what kind of car - new? or clunker? eh *shrug* nope.. not to me. It still doesn't compute.) I can operate a budget if the numbers are given to me, but to come up with how much is needed? nope. not even gonna try..
I also get frustrated with the idea of knowing the worth of your work. For instance, how much someone makes per hour. HOW in tar-nation are you suppose to weight the amount of work to a dollar sign? I realize this is the way the world operates, but it is incredibly foreign to me. If we want to have a conversation about language, and grammar, and syntax and roots of words/concepts and how slang derives from cultures, and the translation process from one language to another, and.. well you get my drift - I could go on allll day long! Languages make sense to me.. numbers (and $$$) not so much..
Which brings me to the musing that sprouted this post: Paychecks..
Currently I'm working as a freelance interpreter. That means payment comes on an hourly basis per job worked. I realize that many people make a living this way, I've just never had to count my hours so diligently to make ends meet. I guess I've been blessed to have had a salary before this that allowed me to live comfortably enough that I wasn't always pinching pennies. However, because of this new situation, I've been confronted with the reminder that I don't understand how money works.
I am also contemplating the opportunity to go part/full time with Cru (the ministry I've been working with for a while now). The salary of this position comes from raising support - a.k.a. asking people for money. Now, I'm no stranger to this for short term needs. I feel very comfortable asking people to come along side me and support an endeavor that is "above and beyond" what my salary alone can support for a specific need. It's when I start to think about that salary being provided soley by laypeople that I start to think more deeply about this concept of value, worth, and money..
I can probably trace it back to not feeling worth other peoples' money BUT when I boil things down to the least common denominator - really everyone's paycheck comes from "laypeople".. cuz that's what companies give you, right? Part of the money they earned from people buying the product that you were selling?
Football players are paid out of ticket sales $$.
Old Navy employees are paid out of sweater sales $$.
Car sales people are paid out of the profit off the car $$.
So the only difference in the ministry supported position is that people are putting $$ towards a person and they don't get a product back - right?
I guess it's the idea of consumerism vs donations..
And I think I get hung up on that idea - because as much as I could use some more funds in the bank currently, I don't want to buy the lie that materialist things are worth what America is trying to tell us they are. This is two-fold: I find myself irritated at all the advertisers and the "must need items". And I don't have a clue as to what the actual worth of something should be (due to my own ineptness coupled with the industries habit of marking prices up).
For instance, I'm an artist. In my room, I have many random things for mixed media art pieces. I have quite a collection of canvases and painting supplies. My family would tell you all I've got is a giant mess though. And I can admit that I have accumulated things that I won't ever use, but as an artist sometimes you never know what it's going to be until it becomes what it is! :) Most all artwork I do is personal - gifts for family and friends, or something that has meaning to me. However, in lieu of trying to de-clutter, I've considered doing some artistic pieces as a supplement to my current income. I always find myself caught at the same mental impasse though..
--> I want to make some money. hmm.. I have too many things. Oh! I should sell them and get money for them. BUT how much are they worth? (IDK) AND if I sell them, then it's just going from clutter in my house to clutter in yours.. is that something I want to promote? How do I price something fairly when I have no idea it's worth?
and round and round I go..
So I just continue to give away artistic pieces.
Because I'd rather donate something, or volunteer my time instead of being paid for it.
Because I don't understand how to figure out the value of art.
Because I can't find monetary worth in my time..
I have always enjoyed being the giver and tended to not be the receiver..
In line with that thought - is it always one OR the other though? I've just come out of a season of enough - one in which I was able to give freely when I saw needs or to causes I felt strongly about. However as I enter this new season of very-tight, does it have to be a season of "only receiving" for me now? I use to think that was the case. My experiences growing up had me thinking that made the most sense. But God is showing me that seasons of giving and seasons of getting can run hand-in-hand. Even in times of just-enough, I need to be sensitive to his nudge to give - cuz if he really does own those cattle on a 1,000 hills - then he's more than capable of providing what I need. And when money is inching closer to that red line, if he asks me to not only not drop one of my Compassion kids, but instead to add a young Deaf boy to the "children-of-my-heart" I support, I have to know that he will provide the funds to cover them.. You can call me crazy. And say I have no budget sense.. And I'll agree with you. Yet, that brings me to another point of money that I don't understand - How the Lord manages $$ among His people.
I've been interpreting for a public school soccer team recently. The coach is quite knowledgeable of the sport, and puts a great emphasis on team work. He stopped a scrimmage the other day to explain positioning to the young athletes. "Every one say trust," he instructed. "If you are out here on the field, I need you to TRUST your teammates. Don't be playing bunch ball. Don't be a ball hog. Trust that they can cover their position."
I was also recently interpreting at retreat [for Cru] and they were talking about support raising. They use the plan that God set up in Numbers for the Levites as their basis for saying "God wants to provide for all your needs. Asking people to give is a God appointed way to be in full time ministry." I think what God was saying to the Levites in Numbers was this "Here is your place on the team. Work for me. Trust your teammate to do their part and I'll provide for you." I often wonder how the other 11 tribes felt. They were told to give the 1/10th to God, but then the Levites got to use it as they saw fit.. Granted there were sacrifices to be made and specific regulations to follow, but still - I wonder if they felt jipped out of their best sheep, bulls, grain? And I'm not trying to make the analogy that if I join full time ministry, then I become a Levite, and you (dear reader) become one of the other tribes and must provide for me.. I think God has us all in simultaneous positions of a Levite and a member of the other tribes. [Back to that whole giving and getting in the same season thing.]
What I am saying is - I often get
10% to Church.
10% to other non-profits, para-church ministries, missionaries ect.
But, each year that I put the amount I gave - which felt like a lot (I mean if most Americans don't even tithe 10%, then giving 20% is not slim - right?) - didn't get me any refunds on my taxes. Now, to be fair, it's not like I was rolling in the dough, but still. This is what I don't understand. When people make big donations at the end of the year for tax write-offs.. justhowmuchofonesincomearewetalking? And, when I give year round, versus someone giving at the end of the year for the tax break - how does one not balance the other out? *sigh* Yet another part of money that does not compute!
But it does bring me to the root of this post though. As I think about going back to Summer Project in New Jersey, I have to start thinking about funding. My dad has often laughs at me when it comes to figuring out what it will cost for all the interpreters stipends, travel, housing, ect. The number has been pretty large for the last two years. Due to increased demands, it will be even more for this coming year. My dad can't decide if I am undeterred in the fund raising because I *seemingly blindly* trust God to provide all that is needed or if I am not phased by the amount since I do not have an understanding of the value of the amount needed to be raised. I like to say it's a mix of both, however I often feel that in my WEAKNE$$ He is oh-so-very-evident!
That being said [in my explained ignorance]- I would be remiss - after going through all of this processing, not to ask you to join my 'team' for this Summer endeavor. I promise I have oversight for my $$ies, and I have people with "# ¢" helping me come up with an estimated budget. It's not that I'm irresponsible with money, it's just the numbers like to swim in my head. Explaining all of this really is my way of saying, "I don't know how much to ask you to give.. $50 doesn't seem like it makes the "tax-back credit bracket" but $1,000 seems like a lot to ask for.. then again, I don't know what your budget can afford." So I ask in humility, as we come to the "end of the year" and people make those monetary donations for tax credit [that I don't understand how they get it] would you consider making a donation to the Wildwood Interpreters fund? Would you consider assigning a monetary worth to investing in the lives of Deaf college students? Would you help me provide value to the hours of interpreting work that goes into a Summer Project? If you are in my situation, pinching pennies, then please don't feel pressured to give. But, hey - if you're going to give, why not give to God working in the Deaf community - the largest unreached people group in America!
Should you feel lead - you can give online here: https://give.cru.org/2870830
Thanks in advance for walking with me through this labor of love. I appreciate you, whether we're Levites or Benjamites..
Soli Deo Gloria
:D
