It's hard for me to know where the line is when it comes to being honest about current ministry situations. I feel there is an unspoken undertone that in ministry most updates should be happy, grateful and only about progress. If updates are consistently dreary or growth is not evident then an alternative career may need to be considered.
And while I can see the wisdom in evaluating the place where you are and wondering if God is closing a door, or moving you on to other things, I also know that Paul's ministry was certainly no walk in the park. Eugene Peterson wrote a book titled 'A Long Obedience in the Same Direction.' I think that sums up Paul's journey from conversion to final breath pretty well. But I don't feel like those who are 'career missionaries' have the opportunity to share freely about shipwrecked times without those who support them wondering why the missionary is not producing steady fruit. (And this could be a projected fear/lie that I believe - please feel free to reply and correct me if you do not feel this way!)
I've been wrestling with this currently, as I want to give an honest and vulnerable update but I don't want this to sound like I am complaining about where I am - in terms of ministry with Cru, or in my personal life. However, the truth of the current situation I find myself is that I am sitting in the middle of a shipwreck (multiple, actually) in just about every facet of my life. BUT the things that are also true of the situations are that growth is happening and Abba is present. I am in the midst of wise council, and am trying to continue to take the 'next right step' in each situation.
It's hard for me to know what to share, as my part of the story is mine, but the other part of the story (that would need to be shared for the story to make sense) is not mine. In each situation, there are one or more participants of whom I do not want to throw under the proverbial bus or cause to look bad because of how they have affected my current reality.
I feel a burden to try to gloss over the shipwreck, and make it less disappointing. It is hard for me to know how much or how little to share. I'm hoping to switch over to a newsletter system in the near future that would allow you to choose the level of updates you would like to get as I think this will give me more focus in knowing what to share. There will be the lighter, inspirational updates that come out quarterly. There will be an option to receive longer, more personal reflections from me as they come, and there will also be an option to be on the prayer warrior post - which I'm hoping will be a place where these shipwrecked moments feel more at home and less adrift at sea.
I do want to thank each of you who have invested/are investing in me thus far. There are great strides of growth and Christ-like character being developed in myself and the Deaf community connected to Cru. There are stories of redemption and grace that are still being penned. And there are new mercies every morning! ;)
Soli Deo Gloria
:D
