Seeking Joy in the Journey

Hello Friends!

To use some trending slang, "It's been a hot minute" since my last update. In order to try to keep this brief, I'll give a short update from the last 5 months:

August found us packing up our home in Iowa, preparing to move.

September took us to Oklahoma for two weeks, then on to Texas.

October found us staying at friends who lived an hour away from Azael's job and we adjusted to the long commute times waiting for our house to sell. It also brought a bright red cast, as Kaspien fell off the couch breaking his arm >.<

November came with an offer on the house that fell through, and then finally an offer that brought us to close on the house the day before Thanksgiving. God also provided an apartment 15 mins from Azael's work the same day! :)   It also brought us a 1year old! Emaias is not walking yet, but 'cruising the furniture' these days.

December had us moving to our new place (which is 2050 sqft smaller than our house in Iowa - whee!), visiting family in Oklahoma and our first lost tooth!

We have been ready for life to slow down a bit and took some time over the past week to decompress! Hopefully you've been able to spend some time this holiday season taking deep breaths and engaging with those around you! :)

These last few months have brought some clarity and some questions as well. My role in the ministry within Cru has been up in the air for awhile now due to the re-organization and subsequent time that implementation that has taken over the last two years. It's been good to finally land in my new department and at the same time it's been an adjustment.

Since Emaias' birth, I've also felt more 'myself' than I have in the last five years. While we were staying at our friends house this Fall we would often walk to the neighborhood park. One day on our way back to the house, I spontaneously jogged next to Jaelyn as she rode her strider bike in a playful way to race with her. It may sound simple, but I can not remember running, let alone jogging out of enjoyment or 'just because I could' in over 5 years. I am continually amazed at the 'firsts' I am experiencing, as I didn't think I felt 'that' bad. In truth, my body has been fighting itself for the past 5 years, and I'm just now starting to get answers that are encouraging my recovery.

When I was running beside Jaelyn, I heard the
words of Eric Liddell, "When I run, I feel His pleasure." And it hit me in a weird way. I always don't love interpreting in and of itself, but when I am coordinating Interpreters for Cru, or when I am interpreting content for Cru, I feel His pleasure. When I provide access to the Deaf community to the rich wealth of resources that Cru has, I find immense joy. The Deaf community is so deprived of resources and Christian content that when I play an ever so small role in allowing access to supplemental theological conversation, or in relaying the message of the speaker that then leads to an 'ah-ha!' moment for the Deaf individuals in attendance, my heart skips a beat and the enjoyment is to God's glory! I come alive in moments of discipling Deaf individuals with the truths of the gospel in their heart language, American Sign Language.

As you know, with the year coming to a close, gifts made to Cru are tax-deductible. If you are still considering making a year-end gift, please click here. Any new gifts or gifts over and above your regular giving will be doubled until December 31st, 2019.

Thank you to all of you who have been faithful to support me in this endeavor as I continue to minister to the Deaf community under the umbrella of Cru! I am grateful for your desire to enlarge God's kingdom by allowing access to Deaf individuals. Those in the Deaf community are thankful for your on-going and generous gifts that engage with them in situations that they often feel forgotten or ignored. 

Soli Deo Gloria
:D

on being Shipwrecked

It's hard for me to know where the line is when it comes to being honest about current ministry situations. I feel there is an unspoken undertone that in ministry most updates should be happy, grateful and only about progress. If updates are consistently dreary or growth is not evident then an alternative career may need to be considered.

And while I can see the wisdom in evaluating the place where you are and wondering if God is closing a door, or moving you on to other things, I also know that Paul's ministry was certainly no walk in the park. Eugene Peterson wrote a book titled 'A Long Obedience in the Same Direction.' I think that sums up Paul's journey from conversion to final breath pretty well. But I don't feel like those who are 'career missionaries' have the opportunity to share freely about shipwrecked times without those who support them wondering why the missionary is not producing steady fruit. (And this could be a projected fear/lie that I believe - please feel free to reply and correct me if you do not feel this way!)

I've been wrestling with this currently, as I want to give an honest and vulnerable update but I don't want this to sound like I am complaining about where I am - in terms of ministry with Cru, or in my personal life. However, the truth of the current situation I find myself is that I am sitting in the middle of a shipwreck (multiple, actually) in just about every facet of my life. BUT the things that are also true of the situations are that growth is happening and Abba is present. I am in the midst of wise council, and am trying to continue to take the 'next right step' in each situation.

It's hard for me to know what to share, as my part of the story is mine, but the other part of the story (that would need to be shared for the story to make sense) is not mine. In each situation, there are one or more participants of whom I do not want to throw under the proverbial bus or cause to look bad because of how they have affected my current reality.

I feel a burden to try to gloss over the shipwreck, and make it less disappointing. It is hard for me to know how much or how little to share. I'm hoping to switch over to a newsletter system in the near future that would allow you to choose the level of updates you would like to get as I think this will give me more focus in knowing what to share. There will be the lighter, inspirational updates that come out quarterly. There will be an option to receive longer, more personal reflections from me as they come, and there will also be an option to be on the prayer warrior post - which I'm hoping will be a place where these shipwrecked moments feel more at home and less adrift at sea.

I do want to thank each of you who have invested/are investing in me thus far. There are great strides of growth and Christ-like character being developed in myself and the Deaf community connected to Cru. There are stories of redemption and grace that are still being penned. And there are new mercies every morning! ;)


Soli Deo Gloria
:D

"That or Crazy.."

Hi Friends. It's been a hot minute since my last update.. much has happened in that time, but in order to make this update not the length of a book, I'll try to be succinct (not my strong-suite). ;)

I'm sure you've all experienced a friend who is in the process of adoption or is a foster care parent, and overnight, because of the way the system works, they suddenly now have a baby or a toddler. It's not that your friend didn't know the child was coming or that they were unprepared, but this new arrival in their life is sudden and time consuming and you're not sure how to help - have you been there?

That's where I feel like I am now - but it's not a baby ;)
It's the FIRST DEAF SUMMER MISSION with Cru!! 
We have been planning it since January. We've been recruiting.
We've been working out details and setting up things.
It started at the end of MAY.
It's a 6 week Summer Mission, so we are just now starting week 4.
(yeah.. I know.. a lil late on the announcement)

But that's the thing. I wasn't sure if it would happen. We only had 3 students confirm to come, and one of them came but wasn't feeling well so had to go back home :( So we have 2 students and 3 staff members and it's a mess (cuz it's the first year we've done this - lots of "oh, we should have's" and "ahh, that's why other Summer Missions do that..") but it's also Lord willing making significant life change in the lives of those who are participating.

However, since I wasn't sure it would happen, I was waiting to make the announcement about it - then since it did happen it's been all consuming. Kinda like that baby or toddler that shows up at your friends house at mid-night one day, and then you wonder if they moved to a different state cuz you've not heard from them in a month..

The Summer Mission is at my house (for various 'Deaf friendly spaces" reasons), and when people have heard that we've rearranged all the furniture (that is moveable) to a different room or switched the location of rooms (dining room moved the the living room and living moved to dining to make more space) for the Summer Mission to be here they often say, "wow, that's amazing", "oh, that's brave", or "cool, that's great." Given my current reality of directing the Summer Mission while still living in my house and with all the other planning and things that are going on this Summer, my response as of late has been, "ha.. that, or [I am] crazy".. ;)

But where the Holy Spirit leads, I'll follow - even it looks, or makes me feel crazy.
--> on a serious note: Since this is the first ever Deaf Summer Mission, we are defiantly feeling the brunt of the spiritual warfare as these students and staff members are growing in their spiritual maturity and developing godly character with access to all of the information in their first language of ASL. For most of them, this is the first time they've had this type of direct communication to deep truths about themselves and God's word in sign language. Please join me in praying for a spirit of Peace to permeate the last 2 weeks of Summer Mission, and for soft hearts to continue to be cultivated to receive the truths from God's word. Also that we staff members would have wisdom to know how to meet the students where they are and walk beside them as we challenge them to "follow me as I follow Christ."

THANKS for reading this long-over due update, and for taking time to join us on the [spiritual] battle-front. May the Lord expand your heart for his glory during your times with him!

Soil Deo Gloria
:D

"It's the MOST WONDERFUL Time of the Year" (year end giving..) ;)

Hello Friends and Family.

I'm sure you've had many email reminders from various organizations about year-end tax-deductible giving. I had planned a grand giving campaign, but then my son was born early, and ended up with a broken leg so I'm just now getting out my end of the year request. I trust God will bring in what is necessary to keep the ministry a float, but I would like to give you a brief update if you have the time.

We've added four members to our Staff this year who are working with the Deaf ministry of Cru - Hands of Fire. This is three more people than last year, and the first time to have staff members DEDICATED TO the needs of THE DEAF COMMUNITY. Praise the Lord for bringing workers to the ripe fields! :)

We also currently have THREE Winter Conferences that we are providing Interpreters. This is TWO more than last year, AND there are 5 more Deaf students in attendance than last year (last year there were 2 students, this year 7 students).

I could go into more statistics, but suffice it to say we are finally starting to REAP A HARVEST from all of the years I've put into building the foundations of this ministry. Your support thus far has enabled us to be where we are today, and I hope that you will continue to invest in the growth of the ministry.

As we come to the end of 2018, I am in need of $8,000 to stay on budget. If you are able, I would appreciate whatever generous amount you can give towards that number. Thanks for partnering with me so that the Deaf community can SEE the gospel in their heart language, and share their understanding with others.

Soli Deo Gloria
:D

*(to receive the tax-deduction, your gift needs to be processed by December 31st at 11:59pm)*

On Expecting the Unexpected.. and a lil' bitty hello! :)

It's December 19th - technically I should be 41 weeks pregnant today. And because of that my plans for November were as follows:

November 1st - return home from a month long trip to Honduras (visiting Azael's biological family).
November 11th - drive down to Tulsa, help with prep for Lauren's wedding.
November 19th - drive home to Iowa from Lauren's wedding.
November 21st - purchase a van from our friends in Nebraska (as our van died a week earlier).
November 26th through December 14th - PREP. ALL. THE. THINGS
- for Baby's arrival, and for Cru Winter Conference, and the house for Snow, and..
December 16th - have all the things done, and be ready for baby to come. It may seem "late" but since my first two kids came at 42.5 and 41.5 weeks, respectively, I felt like it made sense to anticipate a later delivery.

BUT here's what happened

November 1st - return home from a month long visit to Honduras = Check
November 11th - drive down to Tulsa, help with prep for Lauren's wedding = Check
November 19th - drive home to Iowa from Lauren's wedding = Check
November 21st - purchase a van from our friends in Nebraska = Check
November 24th - 2:34am WATER BREAKS (this has not happened with either of my other kids = surprising!) Midwife checks on me through out the day, labor stalls thrice, but she decides to stay overnight since there's a snowstorm coming which can induce labor. I'm glad she did, as active labor started at 9:30pm, and Baby BOY was born at 11:31pm.

He was 37.5 weeks, so considered 'term'. We didn't have any complications - we also didn't have a name, as Azael and I had scheduled a date for Sunday, the 25th to discuss possible names!
Lil' buddy just couldn't wait.. ;)

I was woefully unprepared, however, for his arrival. We had ordered the 'Birth Kit' for his planned home birth just 2 days prior (it arrived Monday afternoon, when he was 2 days old.. oops!). Since my water broke in the early morning, Azael did have time to run some errands that day to get the necessities. We also had some of the other supplies left over from Kaspien's birth, so it worked out fine. We got the birthing pool set up just in time - that was wonderful!

I was also mentally not prepared for the transition of 2 to 3 kids. I had a list of things I wanted to do before baby came and I felt like the 5 virgins who ran out of oil. The first week of Baby being on the outside was a mess! Fortunately Azael had paternity leave from work and was able to stay home - but it was crazy. At one week old Baby Boy still didn't have a name, so we put off announcing him to the world. We weren't intentionally hiding him, just lots of adjusting for our hearts and minds to welcome this little one so 'early' (in our minds).




My mom was able to come up by the second week, and that gave Azael and I time to discuss names. In the Bible, we see God give very deliberate names to people, and Azael and I feel that same way with our kids. We've been entrusted by our Abba with these small humans to raise, and we feel like naming them in a way that honors Him is part of that responsibility as well.


As always, His name has a story: click here to read it though, as this post is getting long! ;)






On Saturday, December 10th, at two weeks old, he finally had a name! We sent the picture out to family and close friends and planned to make the obligatory Facebook Official post later that night. However, an unfortunate accident that evening landed Emaias in the ER with a broken leg. It was pretty traumatic for all involved. He had to stay overnight in Children's Hospital. I have a new found appreciation of and understanding for NICU parents. Recovery is slow going. He's in a harness - the typical regiment for this age and injury - but diaper changes and any movement of his leg are still pretty painful. I was overly optimistic that he would nurse sooner than he could - and thus have been struggling to keep my milk supply up as well. I texted a friend saying, "You don't realize how hard it is not to hold your baby until you can't." Things take longer now - diaper changes require two of us - one to immobilize his leg, the other to change him. He was nursing well and had a great latch pre-accident, and now I'm having to pump and use bottles (not bad, just more work.) I can't baby-wear him, and we have to give sponge baths for the next month or so. Our days look a lil different than the typical newborn bonding/adjusting and I'm trying to make sure I'm engaging with him as often as I can. It's hard, but God is good in it, helping me to think outside the box for ways to accommodate Emaias and his injury.

We've thought back through all the 'what if's' and 'if only's' to know that it truly was an unintended accident. It doesn't make it easier, but it is what it is, and we look forward to him feeling better. It's hard to see such a lil baby in such intense pain but he is predicted to make a fully recovery.

Thus the reason that he's a little over 3 weeks old and we are just now getting this announcement out. Jaelyn and Kaspien love their brother and are eagerly awaiting when they can hold him again.

WELCOME EMAIAS!

What's in a name? (well, apparently a lot!)

When Emaias was born, I had just started reading the Bible again on a consistent basis (hello Motherhood!). During the first week after he was born names like Emmett, Everett, Ellis, and Elias kept coming to mind, but they just didn't fit him. I've been reading the pocket book of Luke. I kept feeling the Holy Spirit say, "Pick up your booklet and look through there.. his name is there.." I didn't want to, so I continued scouring baby name websites that first week, feeling the pressure of others to find him a name. And I continued to come up wanting.. When I finally yielded to the Holy Spirit and flipped open Luke, I came to the story Emmaus, and felt a sea of peace encompass my thoughts. The Road to Emmaus could be summed up as an unplanned event, an unexpected wait for a promised outcome and a journey to understanding that began in confusion - which has very much been our story with this little guy. We weren't necessarily planning on a third biological child so soon, but God's timing is what it is, and it's been good. (more on this about his middle name.)

However, I wasn't thrilled with the spelling of Emmaus.. Yes, Christians know how to say it, since most have heard the Bible story, but it's a German word and I didn't know if the general public say "e-may-us" or "e-mos", the latter of which I did not want. Even though I had a strong feeling it was his name, I couldn't commit. Azael also didn't like the way it flowed while fingerspelling it, so we set it aside.

Through out the pregnancy, I have been making strides towards wellness. In my post a while back, I mentioned that I have been sick for a while. With this pregnancy, I've had a Nurse-Midwife attending to me. Not that my previous midwives were unskilled, but the "nurse" in this one has been extra helpful in getting blood work done and suggesting supplements that have made huge improvements in my overall health. When you have been chronically ill for some time, it's almost hard to remember how bad you actually feel, as feeling bad is your 'new normal'. It has been amazing to see myself "coming back" to who I used to be - who I know myself to be - but who has been buried by illness. I have a new hope that I can and will recover from what mono did to my body 5 years ago. During the last few months our Adonai had been impressing on me the concept of "Amaia (Ah-my-uh)" - a Spanish name meaning "the end" or "resolution". For me it's meant a feeling of "arrival to a more restful destination" and "a journey towards holistic healing - physically, emotionally, mentally." However, the name Amaia is typically a girls name, since we had a boy I wasn't sure how it fit.

But if you read my post about Kaspien's name, you know we have a penchant for mashing two names together, so why stop now? ;)
Side Note: It's funny to me when people comment on the spelling of my kids names, as my name (simply Jenna) was misspelled often while growing up (Jena, Jennah, Gina, Jeana - all fine names, just not mine). My siblings -with quite common names - experienced the same (LindsEY or AY? JessIe? Lauren can be Lauryn or Loren..) I feel like the millennial age kids will have their names spelled wrong regardless, but I digress.
As I played with alternate spellings it came to me - why not change Emmaus to Emaias? ;) The "aia" from Amaia, the sound of e-may-us.. And there you have it. Emaias :)

As for his middle name we have to go back a ways in time. "Not what I wanted. But better." is a six word memoir a friend back in college penned for one of her classes and I always found it soul-challenging. It's been something that I couldn't say of God's plan for my life up to this point. I had things working out very differently when I was younger, and as His timeline didn't fit mine, I've unintentionally harbored resentment along the way. This third child of ours -while affectionately welcomed- was not expected. I have wanted to adopt for as long as I can remember, and we were moving in that direction for our 3rd child. This pregnancy has also not been fun, with morning sickness dragging on till the 7th month. And we sure weren't expecting this baby to come sooner than the end of December! But for as troublesome as the pregnancy has been, as I mentioned above about my mid-wife, it's brought healing and good things with it. I've had a clearer mind, and been a better mom. It's not the way I anticipated I would begin to feel better, but God's been good in the midst of it.

I kept coming up blank, however, while searching the baby name sites for a name that meant "not planned, but better than expected" (people who write the baby name websites want you to name your kid "gift from God", not "accident") ;)

In my searching I came across the name Toviah. It was under one of those "gift from God"/happy baby names list. It means "goodness of God" (literally: Tov = Good, Yah = Yahweh, TovYah.. Toviah) It was accompanied by Hebrew commentary explaining that God is classified in Hebrew as good - not better - because better implies comparison, and you can't compare God to anything else as He's in his own category. I can't say I have fully uncovered and released my resentment of God's plan being better than I my youthful desire, but if I change my friends memoir to "Not what I wanted. But good." I am finding rest in those words. I have more thoughts on this to share at a later day, but suffice it to say, even though this son of ours might not have been in our plans, Emaias has, is and will bring much GOOD in our lives.

Thus is the story behind Emaias Toviah BuPerry's name. May we remember His goodness in our journey to meeting our son.

Will you be the whirlwind to my Phillip?

As you may have seen on social media, today is #GivingTuesday. As you are thinking about your finances and what you can contribute to the greater good, would you consider joining my whirlwind?

You may be wondering - what's a whirlwind and how do I join?

In the story about Phillip meeting the Ethiopian Official, verse 39 says that the Spirit of the Lord carried Phillip away, and then in vs 40 that Phillip appeared in another location. I remember a youth pastor once teaching about this passage and asking us what that would have looked like - to be "carried away" by the Spirit of the Lord. The Trekkies of the youth group suggesting it was probably teleportation (which would have been cool!). I don't remember how the Youth Pastor settled on the idea, but he had us think about it like a whirlwind (or for those of you in the midwest- a tornado - just a lil F2 or F3!) and that image has stuck in my mind all these years later.

So, now we know 'what' the whirlwind is, but why do you need to join? Well, the Spirit of the Lord often uses people to fulfill his purposes and his plan. A whirlwind is made up of many gusts of wind, all working towards gathering momentum for a specific trajectory. In the story, the Spirit of the Lord needed to get Phillip from one place of ministry to another, and he [may have] used a whirlwind to get him there.

Right now, Hands of Fire (the Deaf ministry of Cru on RIT/NTID's campus) is Phillip.
-- We have 4 staff members on campus working with Deaf students - the first time ever that we've had that many individuals dedicated to the needs of the Deaf community.
-- just this semester, TWO students (like the Ethiopian) have decided to follow Jesus and staff members (like Phillip) are in the process of guiding them into understanding of what that means.

What we need right now is a whirlwind to help equip those in ministry to continue to spread the news of the gospel with-in the Deaf community. We need a whirlwind to help take Hands of Fire resources to other Deaf individuals on other college campuses. We need your help to continue to serve in this way.

The easiest way to be part of the whirlwind is to give financially towards the mission and ministry. Volunteering your time to do any of these things is also greatly appreciated!

In honor of #GivingTuesday, would you join my whirlwind??

THANKS so much

Soli Deo Gloria
:D